wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He shit in the fireplace
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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