Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
