He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
