You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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