Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
