Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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