I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
