I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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