that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
