That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
