you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
