Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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