She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
