in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
