It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
