I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
