I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
