well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
