hotel room ftw
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
