I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
