can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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