I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
