just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
