i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I am available for nakedness
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
