Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
