some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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