He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
