You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
accomplished twins. life is a go
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
