I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
