hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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