It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
