I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
