theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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