I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
