I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize