This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Less talking, more tequila
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
