dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
