This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
