I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
