i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
