I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
