I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
