worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
