I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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