i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
