She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
