She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
