He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You're a waste of cheezeits
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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