I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
