dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
