I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
